I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
