I smell stomach acid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
