well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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