Someone shit on the floor
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
