U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
