this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
