Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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