Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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