Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
