you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
