I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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