I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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