im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize