Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
