Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
