it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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