I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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