Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
