I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
