Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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