I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
