If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
