the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
