I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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