Is it because I queefed?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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