The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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