; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize