this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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