i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
