I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
