You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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