Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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