Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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