Please, let me fuck your mom
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
