but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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