wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
