So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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