I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
