saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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