1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
