I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
