Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
