He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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