hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
