my phone needs a breathalizer
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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