Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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