Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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