You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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