Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
