Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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