i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize