I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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