Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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