babies were throwing up all over the place
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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