The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
