I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
