Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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