he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
