if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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