You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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