Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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