dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
