I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my poor anus
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
