well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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