dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
