sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
