8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
