i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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