apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
