my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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