in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
