She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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