Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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